Blindsiding Endings
HEALING YOUR HEART
A blindsiding ending, often called a discard, refers to the abrupt ending of a close or important relationship, often in a cold, dismissive or unemotional manner with little to no explanation or warning.
They often occur in romantic partnerships but also commonly happen in close friendships, family relationships, social or community groups and workplace relationships, otherwise known as professional ghosting.
Although all endings and breakups are difficult, discards are marked by surprise, confusion, lack of empathy, lack of communication and violation of trust.
What makes these endings so painful is because they are disempowering, they strip away any chance for mutual understanding and remove your voice and perspective from the process. It also removes any opportunity for resolution or even the chance to say a respectful goodbye.
Often, the person who inflicts this type of breakup gave no clues beforehand, they may have maintained that they love you, made plans in the future with you and told you everything was fine right up to the point where they abruptly ended the relationship, adding to the confusion and shock.
Being blindsided is a severe betrayal of trust which shatters reality making it hard to understand. Our experience of the person we thought they were and the safety we thought we had built together, does not match the cold, emotionless way we were discarded in the end. This causes cognitive dissonance where our reality is distorted, we find it extremely difficult to reconcile what happened because nothing about it makes sense, it keeps our brains stuck in fight or flight mode scanning for danger.
Being discarded creates deep emotional wounds that can rupture our core attachment trauma, it is common to experience profound shock, deep distress, lengthy rumination, feelings of shame and difficulty in gaining closure.
While blindsiding endings are painful, they also reveal the truth. They expose relationships that lacked maturity, authenticity and respect, which are all necessary for true connection. Emotionally available people do not discard; it is the hallmark of a trauma response of someone with deep attachment wounds and not a reflection of your worth or value.
Over time the pain can become a catalyst for growth, teaching us to prioritise our own needs and value those who show up for us consistently and communicate honestly.
Want support to navigate the aftermath of a blindsiding ending? Counselling sessions are available