Blindsiding Endings

HEALING YOUR HEART

A blindsiding ending, often called a discard, refers to the abrupt ending of a close or important relationship, often in a cold, dismissive or unemotional manner with little to no explanation or warning.

They often occur in romantic partnerships but also commonly happen in close friendships, family relationships, social or community groups and workplace relationships, otherwise known as professional ghosting.

Although all endings and breakups are difficult, discards are marked by surprise, confusion, lack of empathy, lack of communication and violation of trust.

What makes these endings so painful is because they are disempowering, they strip away any chance for mutual understanding and remove your voice and perspective from the process. It also removes any opportunity for resolution or even the chance to say a respectful goodbye, violating the trust you once held in the partnership.

Being blindsided is a severe betrayal of trust which shatters our reality making it hard to understand. Our experience of the person we thought they were, does not match the cold, emotionless person who discarded us in the end. This causes cognitive dissonance where our reality is distorted, we find it extremely difficult to reconcile what happened because nothing about it makes sense and keeps our brains stuck in a constant fight or flight mode scanning for danger.

This creates deep emotional wounds that can rupture our core attachment trauma, it is common to experience profound shock, deep distress, lengthy rumination, feelings of shame and difficulty in gaining closure.

While blindsiding endings are painful, they also reveal the truth. They expose relationships that lacked depth, maturity, authenticity and respect, which are all necessary for true connection.

Recovery involves a lengthy and often non-linear process, however there are some common stages that many people share along the healing journey. I have a free 7 step guide available to download on my website.

Over time the pain can become a catalyst for growth, teaching us to prioritise our own needs and value those who show up for us consistently and communicate honestly.

Want support to navigate the aftermath of a blindsiding ending? Counselling sessions are available